The first thing I began to do after getting my wake up call, was search God's Word on how to defeat anxiety and depression.
I have to be honest, this did not work for me at all.
The more I read verses about how to overcome anxiety and depression, the more anxiety, depression, and panic attacks I had.
I have no idea why this way of approaching a solution for my anxiety and depression caused more triggers and panic attacks.
I remember thinking, I am supposed to go to God's Word for everything in life. I am supposed to seek Him through prayer. Since it did not seem to be working I made an appointment with my doctor.
Now, I had a lot going on in my life other than my own health. Some of those situations were really causing me stress and I wasn't sleeping much. That being said, I thought that may be the issue, but I wanted to make sure nothing else was going on.
After having an exam with the doctor, she ordered a few tests. They all came back normal. So, she decided to try meds. Unfortunately, the meds made everything worse.
They made my head hurt so bad. Not only that, they also increased my anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. They also didn't help me sleep.
So, I decided to stop taking them. (Now this is something that did work for me, but it doesn't work for everyone. In fact, you shouldn't just stop taking medication without your doctor saying it is ok. So, I am not saying to stop your meds. Please seek medical advise before making changes for yourself.)My battle was not a chemical or hormonal imbalance. My battle with anxiety and depression was a spiritual one.
Once I finally decided to stop trying to do this on my own, I went back to God's word.
Instead of looking for verses about defeating anxiety and depression, I began searching for passages on peace. All I knew was I needed peace. Some how I had lost the peace I once had.
After reading a few verses about peace I started to have an understanding that I was way too busy.
Being to busy can cause us to miss out on blessings in our lives. Unfortunately, I have learned this from experience.
The busyness in my life had stolen my peace.
I had gotten too busy to spend enough time with God each day, and by not doing that I started trying to do everything on my own.
This snatched the peace right out of me.
But you know what, I was so busy I did not even notice I had lost my peace at that moment.
Being too busy can also blind us from what Satan has scheduled into our lives.
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Busy by Heather
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All the things I had been doing had begun to overshadow me.
Now, these things were not bad. I was serving others and doing good for God's kingdom, but I had way too much on my plate. I was actually doing more than God has called me to do.
By all of this busyness I did not realize I was right where Satan wanted me. He was sneaking in and gaining control without me even noticing.
Not only did I not notice Satan trying to get a stronghold in my life, but I also didn't notice the effect of stress in my life physically, mentally, and spiritually.
I began to realize I had been neglecting myself.
I started to discern I needed to start taking care of myself and have a selfcare routine.
At one point in my life I actually thought taking care of my self or thinking of my needs was selfish and sinful. By reading God's word, I now have an understanding that the right kind of selfcare is not selfish.
We actually need to be refreshed so we can have something to give others and to share God's love.
Now there is a selfish form of selfcare. The kind that the world teaches us. The kind where you only look out for number one. The type of selfcare that causes self indulgence. The kind where you go shopping all day. The kind where you binge on junk food for comfort instead of going to God.
That kind of selfcare does not refresh you. It is not a healthy form of selfcare.
When I would turn to that type of selfcare, I would actually feel more drained.
I would also feel guilty if I went shopping and spent money on things that didn't matter. I would feel like I had wasted our resources.
If I binged on junk food, I would feel guilty for eating it. I know my body is the temple of the Lord, and I would ask myself, why are you doing this? I would also feel like a glutton. Then, the physical feeling would hit. My stomach would hurt, I would be so bloated, and I would feel nauseated.
This type of selfcare most definitely was not giving me peace.
Only when I felt sick would I turn to God and ask for forgiveness for not going to him first, for my self indulgence of wasting resources, and eating unhealthy.
I wish I could say after realizing all of this I never turned to food for comfort again, but that is not the case. I have made progress though.
I have learned not to let myself feel like a complete failure when I fall short. God knows I am going to make mistakes. And He is always there for me when I do.
When I do fall short, I remind myself, God's mercies are new every morning.
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
After hearing the Lord speak to my heart about all of this as I read His word, I began praying for Him to lead me to what scriptures to read.
A couple of the verses came from Proverbs. I actually felt the need to memorize these verses.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
As long as I am trusting in the Lord, and I am not trying to understand everything going on around me or in my life I have a since of peace. All I have to do is trust God because He is the one in control.
Not only did I begin to memorize these verses, I started journaling. I bought a cheap little notebook to journal in. I would write what I received from the verses that day and how I thought I could apply them to my life. I didn't just do this with Proverbs 3:5-6, I was also writing other scriptures and journaling about them.
Then, I bought another little $1 notebook to write down all that I was grateful for each day. This little notebook has become a treasure. It has made me look for the blessings in each day. I have also documented precious memories by counting my blessings this way.
This will be a notebook that I can read when I am down in the dumps to remind me of God's goodness and all the blessings He has given me. It will always bring a smile to my face and lift my spirit.
Writing scriptures and journaling is one type of selfcare that leaves me feeling refreshed.
When I feel refreshed, I have more energy, more joy, and peace.
I feel refreshed because I am actually spending time with the Lord.
After I pray and have journaled I put on praise and worship music. This helps my emotions as well.
So, my first step in personal selfcare was to begin working on my relationship with God.
I know by keeping God first in my life, He will show me how I should care for myself. As well as, how to give of myself by using the gifts and talents he has given me without over doing it and getting wore out.
I cannot neglect this relationship. If I do, I will not have peace in my life.
For me to defeat anxiety and depression, I need peace. Not a temporary peace this world offers, but a peace that only comes from my Lord and Savior, Jesus.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John14:27 NIV
I want to encourage you to not give up when you face trials in life. Look to the Lord for real peace.
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