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| Sticks and Stones photo by Heather |
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Have you ever heard of the saying "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?"
I was taught to say this back to other kids who said mean things to me.
Truth is, I really don't like this saying.
I don’t like it because words really do hurt.
Depending on who says the mean words to you, depends on how deep those words will cut.
But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. James 3:8
When words cut super deep, they can echo in your mind.
This can go on for days, months, even years if you let it.
And sometimes you may think you have moved on passed the harsh words, then BAM! Out of nowhere they show their ugly face and begin to echo in your mind again.
Words that wound are hard to overcome.
Now…
Let’s think about this, we know it hurts to be on the side that receives destructive words, but what about the words we allow to pass through our mouths?
He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. Proverbs 13:3
Do we use positive and encouraging words that will bring healing and build others up, or do we use words that tear down and cause pain?
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
Do we think about the words we use before we let them slip out of our mouths?
The heart of the righteous studies how to answer,
But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. Proverbs 15:28
I know I have made the mistake too many times of letting words slip from my mouth before I thought about them. I know I have caused other people pain with those words.
Unfortunately, it is usually my husband and children who catch the harsh words or ungodly attitude.
It doesn’t matter how many times I say I am sorry, I will never be able to take those words back.
As soon as hurtful words have left my mouth, the damage is done. There is not an eraser big enough to erase the words I have carelessly let slip.
Then, I am filled with guilt and deep regret.
It is at that moment I realize I have caused damage to the relationship I have with the person who ended up being the target.
I never mean for anyone to be a target.
I never plan to say anything unkind.
It just seems like those words just come tumbling out.
Each time I make this mistake, I always ask myself, “What triggered me to react in this way?”
“What can I do differently the next time I have a similar situation?”
Nine times out of ten, I have been very stressed and tired when I react with harsh words. However, that is no excuse for destructive words that tear others down.
I am still learning, but I have discovered taking a few deep breaths before I speak helps me to choose much nicer words.
Also, remembering to ask God to help me say the right words is the biggest influence in choosing the correct words.
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. Colossians 4:6
The next thing I do is apologize and ask for forgiveness. I know this doesn’t erase the damage or the pain, but it lets the person know I realize I have made a mistake and I am truly sorry. Also, it lets them know I care about our relationship and I want to make things right.
When harsh words slide out of my mouth, it is a huge reminder of how much I need God every single day.
Without him, I cannot build others up.
Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
By allowing these mean words to fall from my mouth, I have learned something else too. It only takes one harsh word to tear down a person or relationship, but it will take many encouraging, loving, and positive words to build up and gain trust back.
I want to challenge you, as I challenge myself today, to say as many positive, encouraging, loving, and uplifting words as you can to everyone you meet.
While your at it, don’t forget to say nice things to yourself too.
The merciful man does good for his own soul,
But he who is cruel troubles his own flesh. Proverbs 11:17
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